Why My Children Declared War and How I’m Going To Win


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Well, as you know, I’m in this age of discovery. Finding who I am means I get to find out who everyone around me is to. This includes my 3 children.

Oh how I love my children. They are full of, well, they are my babies. I still see them as the babies they were but reality has another thing for me to see. Reality is they have sword like tongues, eyes that burn holes in anything they look at and voices that will break glass. Oh, you’ve met them too? Thankfully my youngest doesn’t have all of these traits yet and well, I am hoping to ward off this virus before it grips her too.

I have been playing this awesome game with the kids – Risk – the board game. And it has taught me a few things about war. In order to win, you do have to have the enemy surrounded or cornered. You then have to gather your forces and attack in one fell swoop. If you back off and let them have a turn they will catch on and could annihilate you. These lessons are so going to come in handy!

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The War Tactics

At any moment I could be blind sided and walk right into a full blown battle. I carry my weapons close to my side at all times – Headphones, Cell Phone, Witty-No-Nonsense-Eye-Rolling-Lip-Busting Attitude. I suggest that if you currently do not own these items, you obtain them immediately!

The Enemy

Sun Tzu (The Art of War) is absolutely correct on so many things! “You must not fight too open with the enemy or you will teach him all your art of war” “Tactics without strategy is the noise before the defeat”, “The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting”. All good things to remember in this battle I am preparing for.

Knowing my enemy is the first step to conquering them. I have learned, they need materialistic things to survive. They do not join forces with their own kind. It appears that electronics feed them and make them stronger. Physical labor or activity is their cryptonite. Embarrassment is the second best weapon to use against them, it will cripple them in an instant. They also have a keen sense of manipulation tactics that are almost greater than any I have seen. Attempting to reason with them is the signature on your own death certificate.

The Preemptive Strike

When you have been threatened by the enemy forces it is imperative that you gather your forces and carry out your preemptive strike. The intent is to keep the enemy from gaining ground and continuing their threats. A good thing to remember is that you will have several battles, don’t use all your strategies and tactics in each battle or they will learn your ways.

The Ongoing Battles

The reality here is that the battles will be many and while some are rather quick and fizzle out nicely, others may drag on. At times you may feel like you are in the running for a World War 3 competition. This is when it is necessary to review the art of war, your battle tactics and maybe even discuss with your allies the latest battles and your current plan of attack. You have to recharge so you can continue to keep the upper hand.

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The Winning Defeat

This is something that you will begin to recognize as you will win small battles along the way. The enemy will appear to be shrinking as they walk. At times, the enemy may also appear to take on the role of a grateful child, this one is shocking but when its sincere you will know. (Do not let their manipulation skills get the better of you here.) There will be family gatherings at which they are smiling and laughing, again, you can not appear shocked. You will know that you have won the final battle when they actually are asking for your advice, talking with you about personal matters, showing affection to you and other family members, and asking permission. All of these events will be regular and ongoing with little to no intertwining of attitude. It is at this point that you can pull back your forces and while you will never put your artillery and weapons on the shelf to collect dust, you can at this point at least not have them in front of you at all times.

So while I am currently in the stage of ongoing battles, I am fully confident that I will win – after all, I was a teenager once too.

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