Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Reflection. A word with 9 definitions according to Merriam Webster Dictionary Online.

An image given back by a reflecting surface. When you stand in front of the mirror what do you see? I have always seen the same 19 year old girl full of mistakes, awkwardness, fear and shame. It’s been 10 years of looking at that same girl. No matter how often I change my hair, add makeup, get a new pair of glasses, it doesn’t matter……….it’s always the same girl.

A thought, idea, or opinion formed or a remark made as a result of meditation. My life absolutely does NOT reflect anything about who I always thought I was.

Consideration of some subject matter, idea, or purpose. I happened to read this today:

Productivity Practice is that the brain can’t distinguish between are really well mocked up imagining of an outcome and the physical action.  Sports trainers know this.  Top athletes spend large portions of the training schedule ‘imaging in’ the successful result (crossing the finish line, sinking the put, serving an ace) because those imaging literally change the physiology.  I wrote last week about our limiting beliefs.  Our self talk is programming us all the time.  Let’s program ourselves for the outcomes we want. An excerpt from the Practice of Productivity blog.

So, as I am pondering all of this I thought about who exactly I thought I was. I LOVE baking, horses, romance, candles, bubble baths, cowboy boots and hats, county fairs (the events not the rides), music, performing arts, large old houses with character, walking in nature, sunrises and sunsets, weddings, large family dinners, holiday excitement, giving people surprises.

Then, there is who I am not. I know nothing about cars, I hate working in the yard, I don’t easily talk to other people on my own but I will talk to you if you try, I don’t like teaching people because I am not a patient person. I appreciate that other people can do things that I can not and I want other people to appreciate what I can do.

I currently live in town in a townhouse, working a job that I have lost passion for where I have to train people over and over and over again on the same thing, living near absolutely no family members of my own, not celebrating holidays with anything more than a dinner. I quit baking to make others happier, I stopped buying candles because it cost money, I don’t have a tub big enough to soak well in but its bigger than the last.

I got rid of my boots a long time ago and the hat left long before that. I don’t go to the fairs, can’t find anyone to attend anything in the arts field with, I walk by with longing looks at some houses in town and really love the town across the river even more. Boil all of that down – you get someone who is so far from their personal truth they almost don’t exist.20130616_184211

Reflection is also the act of bending. So, if the quote above is true, I have started envisioning myself owning a bakery and going home to big farm house with a horse to feed and someone that meets me at the door every now and then with flowers and a picnic in front of the fire place and dances with me in the moonlight. A fairy tale – maybe, but it’s really not so far fetched.

I filled out the FAFSA today. Yup, I’m going to find a way to get to culinary school one way or another. It might take me all 10 years or more to make my dream real but it beats staring at the same girl that I have for the last 10 years. I would rather try and risk the possibility of failure than to never try at all and simply wish things to be different.

Who’s in your mirror?

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jeremy Taylor
    Jun 16, 2013 @ 20:04:50

    I remember that picture.


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