I’m Just Passing Through


It has been a while since I have blogged about anything and it almost seems like I have forgotten what to do. Yes, I turned 30 – this age that in my mind I seem to have made into more of a right of passage with everything going on in my life. Do I feel different – I have always thought that was the dumbest question anyone could ask. The only birthdays I can remember feeling any different was my 16th and my 21st, for obvious reasons. Every day you wake up – do you feel different than the day before? No. Generally people don’t. However, if you wake up one day and think about a few years ago, I’m sure you feel different now than you did then – a few years have gone by!

I celebrated my birthday with some good friends. It wasn’t over the top – except the friend who took one too many shots and that was the end of the night for her! (She knows I love her) We talked and drank – more than I have had to drink in a long time – for several hours. What amazed me is that I can still hold my liquor! And that I woke up at 630 am the next morning without a hang over. I tried some new drinks, played some songs and laughed it up. It was a great way to ring in my birthday.

The rest of the weekend was just like any normal weekend. I dealt with family, with my kids, cleaning, laundry, bills, mail, my car – what else is there to do in a weekend? Yes, I envisioned that my 30’s would start with this huge bang and be awesome and amazing but I don’t think that 4 days into it I can say it won’t be those things…………we are just on the slow part of the roller coaster right now.

I do know that I started this all as being an adventure. I have talked about my children and their amazing wonderfully crippling antics, music, and hardship. I have been faced with more things recently than I really ever thought I should have to deal with. What I am finding truly amazing is that somehow, somewhere I have acquired the skills (that I didn’t think I would ever have), to deal with situations.

I can tell my husband things I used to be afraid to say. Why? Because I know its not fair to pretend something is OK meanwhile in my head I am cursing and stomping my feet because its not going the way I want it. That is exactly how I have lived my life, until the past few weeks. That behavior is only creating resentment in myself towards everyone else that isn’t doing just so. Jeez. I wouldn’t have wanted to live with me.

I can listen to someone tear me down because they needed to vent about things and not lose my composure or stomp away or yell at them. I can hear past the tone of fury into the heart of pain to hear what they really are trying to say. Do I wish it was handled differently? Of course! Feeling ambushed by opinions and thoughts of you did, you should have and I want is not really what anyone would choose.

In the end, I guess what I am trying to say is that I finally just might have crossed over into the grown up world. I feel like it is OK to say what I want, to laugh and cry when I want, to take time to process my thoughts before sharing them. Its very much OK to be human and have an opinion and not be mechanical because you think that’s what other people want. Who cares what they want! What do you want?

The golden key I have been handed has unlocked a new world for me and I’m not looking back now.

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