One Step – One Day – One Lifetime


strengths-finder-628x3351

I have posted before on my controlling nature in a sort of way and I’m still learning that lesson every day. I battle with feeling insecure, unloved, not good enough etc etc etc etc…. You get the picture. I recently took a test on my strengths to find more insight into myself. This was a HUGE eye opener for me and at the very same time, it didn’t tell me anything I didn’t know about myself.

My top 5 strengths:

  1. Restorative
  2. Intellection
  3. Empathy
  4. Achiever
  5. Input

The first one, restorative, are people who are themed with being adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it. What makes me different in this field is that I do it internally. I am constantly striving to improve myself in any way possible. I want people to tell me what my short falls are and I firmly believe that if I don’t handle those things, I will fail and jeopardize my future. I believe also that the achiever in me is just making this stand out that much more and the input portion (wanting to know everything i can get my hands on) also magnifies this to such a degree that it can be dangerous!

The down side I find is that when I am constantly critiquing myself, I open the door to feeling upset by not being enough. No one is doing that to me but myself. My new challenge is to find a way to critique myself without feeling as though I am a failure, no good, or in some way faltering.

So what does any of this have to do with controlling my life? EVERYTHING! Because I am always trying to make things better, this means that I am also trying to manage and manipulate every aspect of my life. I can’t seem to just sit back and let life happen. I can’t seem to understand that its OK that everything isn’t as peachy perfect as I want it to be. I can see the future. I can taste how awesome its going to be when I finally achieve all of my dreams yet I feel like I am seeing it while being stuck with my feet in quick sand as though I will never make it. Do you struggle with this?

quick sand

That analogy alone made me just realize that with quick sand if you struggle you will drown, however, if you take one slow methodical movement at a time, you will reach the end. Wow, God does have a sense of humor doesn’t He? It should be known that I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a PATIENT PERSON!

I am struggling to find a way to fit my wanting to learn and better myself into finding a deep and meaningful relationship that gives me a break from the every day, as well as balancing that with my want to work to the death, and still be as present for my kids as much as they need. WHEW! That was a mouthful. Is that even possible?

One Step – One Day – One Lifetime

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