Moving On…Looking Up

In my last post I had mentioned that I realized where I was going and what I wanted my life to be about. I do. And learning that was a great stepping stone in my life. Its something everyone needs to know about their life in order to gain fulfillment and enjoyment out of our existence and understanding how to fulfill our purpose.

I have realized that I don’t particularly like the story of my life. It’s messy. I’m embarrassed by it. I feel I should have/could have done better and for a very long time I have lived ashamed by my past. That is no longer true. However, I don’t want to continue to leave the same kind of trail in my wake. That requires change.

I know that I want a calm life. I want a life of pattern, stability, support, love, laughter. A life that can be relied upon. I need to create that for myself. If I want to share that for someone then I have to give that to myself first. It’s easy to say we want these things and it is very much another to actually bring them to fruition.

I know today where I stand. I can see where I want to be. I do not yet know the steps between where I am and where I am going. I do know, that I need to be intentional in all my dealings in order to not make the same choices. The rest, I leave to the Lord, to direct my paths.

I am not entirely sure, but I believe that I might just start to understand what Jesus meant when he said to deny yourself and take up your cross and follow Him. While it is not easy, I know the peaceful life that I am seeking is very much worth the effort it will require to follow this path.

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