One Step – One Day – One Lifetime


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I have posted before on my controlling nature in a sort of way and I’m still learning that lesson every day. I battle with feeling insecure, unloved, not good enough etc etc etc etc…. You get the picture. I recently took a test on my strengths to find more insight into myself. This was a HUGE eye opener for me and at the very same time, it didn’t tell me anything I didn’t know about myself.

My top 5 strengths:

  1. Restorative
  2. Intellection
  3. Empathy
  4. Achiever
  5. Input

The first one, restorative, are people who are themed with being adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it. What makes me different in this field is that I do it internally. I am constantly striving to improve myself in any way possible. I want people to tell me what my short falls are and I firmly believe that if I don’t handle those things, I will fail and jeopardize my future. I believe also that the achiever in me is just making this stand out that much more and the input portion (wanting to know everything i can get my hands on) also magnifies this to such a degree that it can be dangerous!

The down side I find is that when I am constantly critiquing myself, I open the door to feeling upset by not being enough. No one is doing that to me but myself. My new challenge is to find a way to critique myself without feeling as though I am a failure, no good, or in some way faltering.

So what does any of this have to do with controlling my life? EVERYTHING! Because I am always trying to make things better, this means that I am also trying to manage and manipulate every aspect of my life. I can’t seem to just sit back and let life happen. I can’t seem to understand that its OK that everything isn’t as peachy perfect as I want it to be. I can see the future. I can taste how awesome its going to be when I finally achieve all of my dreams yet I feel like I am seeing it while being stuck with my feet in quick sand as though I will never make it. Do you struggle with this?

quick sand

That analogy alone made me just realize that with quick sand if you struggle you will drown, however, if you take one slow methodical movement at a time, you will reach the end. Wow, God does have a sense of humor doesn’t He? It should be known that I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a PATIENT PERSON!

I am struggling to find a way to fit my wanting to learn and better myself into finding a deep and meaningful relationship that gives me a break from the every day, as well as balancing that with my want to work to the death, and still be as present for my kids as much as they need. WHEW! That was a mouthful. Is that even possible?

One Step – One Day – One Lifetime

Living in the Moment or With the Committee?


ITTY BITTY SHITTY COMMITTEE

Ever heard of that expression? It happens to be the little voice in your head that says all those negative things you always hear.

imagesI realize, with some help from others, that I am in a heightened state of awareness right now. Guess what? It SUCKS!! I know what I am doing but I can’t seem to stop it or change it and therefore I am beyond frustrated by it.

Yesterday, I spent the day listing all of the reasons I shouldn’t have my job (in my head of course):

~ I don’t deserve it~ I don’t have a degree for management ~ I have no direction ~ I can’t stay focused therefore I am a terrible employee ~

I could go on and on and on, but I think you get the point. When I say them out loud they don’t actually make any sense to me. I can logically understand that they are not true. So, why is it happening day in and day out with everything I do? Because I am living in my head where the itty bitty shitty committee is residing, rent free.

They are a terrible community! 🙂 Negative thinking promotes negative actions. Living in your head internalizes your feelings and thoughts and keeps you stuck. I have not been living in the moment.

Here I am again, I have the awareness and now what?

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I can change my thinking. I can start new habits that replace the old or unhelpful habits. I am not a bad person and listening to myself say that over and over is not healthy, helpful or useful in any way. For me, trying to change my thinking means that I have to recognize when I am being negative or listening to the committee. Now that I know it, steps to changing it….

I am going to start a reflection journal every day spending a minimum of 10 minutes on it each morning and evening. A reflection journal helps to focus on the small victories that happen every day. Like yesterday, the world seemed against me in being able to be on time to my appointment but I still made it on time. The last 2 times I had been late. This is a victory!

Seems small but you have to start somewhere and when you recognize yourself for the good things, the simple things, the positive things you are doing, you are re-parenting yourself in a positive way. You are supporting yourself and learning to believe that you can do this, you are worthy, you have value.

When you start to believe these things (because, after all, they are true!) you stop listening to the committee and it stops running your day, your week and your life.

When you stop living in your head you can live in the moment.

A friend told me that she went on a short trip with her children, twins 3 yrs old and a baby 21 months old. She started the trip by yelling “small victories!” when they all got in the car without crying (including her 🙂 ) Then again when they stopped without incident, then again when they were 2 hours into the ride without major fits. Eventually the older kids caught on and started yelling it with her and everyone had a ball. Why? Because they celebrated everything that went right rather than dwelling on the things that were not going so well.

If I see you running around yelling “small victories” I am going to yell with you and I hope you would yell it with me too 🙂

Living in the moment is not easy for someone who hasn’t been doing it, but it doesn’t mean its impossible. I used to hear people tell me this all the time but it never made sense to me. Ok, I get what you are saying but HOW do I do that??!?!?

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Psychology today has a great article on Living In the Moment. Here are their simplified 6 steps:

1. Unselfconsciousness

2. Savor

3. Breathe

4. Flow

5. Accept

6. Engage

Simple words right? Not when you try living them. I am here to tell you, this is a challenge!! Stop thinking negatively, breathe through the tough moments, go with the flow don’t control the day, accept what you have and what is, and engage yourself. Why not give yourself permission to do cartwheels in the back yard with your daughter? Truth is, this is my life (your life), when it’s over, I want to be able to say “WHOA! What a Ride!!” and have the biggest smile on my face.

So, you keeps you company every day?

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