Thoughts Become Things

I am in the midst of such a transformation that I had to write about it. I have some amazing conversations with people in my life that are unforgettable. Some of these conversations happen at such an awesome time that I fully understand, that I am never alone. I have come so far, and yet I have far to travel. I cannot express how open I feel at this moment and how truly blessed I am.

My life is certainly not what I ever thought it would be when I was a little girl. Moments of it are unforgettable and yet other moments I wish I could forget. I am grateful for every bit of it. I have truly realized that all of my relationships and connections in life are a lesson in my journey to being the self I was made to be.

I am sure you have heard the quote “Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.” I always saw that and thought, that’s cute. And never paid much attention to it. It is a very subdued way of saying what it is that I now feel.

When I think now about yoga and how i used to see it versus how I see it now, it amazes me. I thought of meditation as an act, something you do. It is that. However, I now feel the connection to being open, meditating and aligning with the greater being of the world. For me, that is God. For you, that might be the Universe, Mother Nature, or something else. When I think of meditation, I see the inner body being opened up to receiving what God has for me. The enlightenment, the filling of knowledge, power in knowing myself and feeling the connection. I cannot fully describe to anyone who has never experienced this, how awesome it truly is. Being self aware and connected.

I am aware of who I am, who I am becoming and where I want to be. My great friend today told me the universe always has my back, I just have to put out there what I want. How true that is. I am so grateful for the people in my life right now. Every one of them has something so positive to add. Every one of them are helping to teach me a lesson in being the person I strive to be and the person that I am underneath. Even if they don’t know it.

A year and a half ago I wrote out my values and what they meant to me. I now have something in my life that is resonating with those values. It took me a little bit to see it and it felt weird. Now I know that what I am feeling is the beginning of fulfillment of something I set out to create in my life. Everything in life starts as a thought.

Putting these connections together has me imagining and believing, opening up and understanding. This is AWESOME!

Awareness Tree

Life Lessons

My journey here on earth is continually getting more interesting and complex. There are so many people out there handing out advice at every turn on any given subject. How do you really know what to pay attention to? I can’t answer that question for you. i just learned how to answer that question for myself.

I do quite a bit of soul searching on a regular basis. I am usually not quite sure if a situation is my fault, if I caused it, if I could have foreseen it or if I made it worse. I want to be sure I am being the best “me” that I can be. At times I have even made the comment of this being a quality of mine “to a fault”. Do I take it too far? Am I so wrapped up in making sure that I always adjust myself to everyone else and make sure that  i am learning a lesson, that I actually miss the bigger picture?

I have realized, and need to continually remind myself, that I am not always in the wrong, nor do I always need to adjust myself to fit something or someone else. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am wrong quite a bit. I do things that I shouldn’t, I say things that I shouldn’t, but where does that make me any different than anyone else? It doesn’t! What does set me apart is that I am willing to search myself, to change, to adjust and to grow.

There are always people out there that will ridicule me. They won’t understand me or my situation and they may take something for what it isn’t. That isn’t my fault nor can I change that. A good friend recently gave me a bit of advice “put yourself out there. The worst that can happen is that you are rejected but the best that can happen is that you are accepted. Either way, at the end of it all, you know you were true to yourself.”

I have realized that that small piece of advice was a seed. It has now grown roots and taken its spot in my soul with all the other seeds of its kind. Self Truth. I am being true to me. That in and of itself means that I am being the best “me” that I can. I am not perfect. I will wait too long to have that difficult conversation, I will say the wrong thing at the wrong time, I will overlook something of importance and I will make mistakes. All of that is being human. So, at the end of the day, I am satisfied that I am the best Maria that I can be.

I often wonder, how many other people out there, search their souls to be sure they are living rather than existing?

Red Paper Heart – What’s On Yours?

While I was at my program we were introduced to some very different things – but very effective things. At one point we watched a movie of a baby in a living room. This baby was crawling around, touching things, making noises, moving around, things babies at about 9 months do. They can’t yet talk but they are beginning a phase of discovery.

Shiny and colored objects usually attract Infa...

Shiny and colored objects usually attract Infant’s vision. The baby is 6 months old. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So, I bet you are wondering why I am talking about a baby huh? What does this have to do with me turning 3o or rediscovering myself? Just wait…..

We were all given a red sticky note heart and asked to complete a short assignment. While watching this video, using only half of the side of the paper, write down adjectives that describe the baby. The baby was bald, wearing only a diaper and in a living room with normal toys like a ball, a bear, blocks, etc. There was no way to say this baby was a boy or a girl.

The words appearing on the left side of my red paper heart were:

  • Curiosity
  • Adventurous
  • Joyous
  • Persistent
  • Loving
  • Resilient
  • Inquisitive
  • Brave

A good group of words. I was proud of myself! But I was still wondering what in the world this was doing for us. Why did these people think that watching a baby in a video made in the 70’s was going to help us?

Ahhh…..We were given another assignment. Break into groups of 3 and each take turns telling a favorite childhood memory. I listened to the other two people I was sitting with and they had stories of a bike and a lemonade stand. Then it was my turn.

I told my story – My best friend and I were in the 2nd grade, so 7ish probably maybe 8 I guess. We decided to walk to a convenience store where her dad worked to get a drink, it was hot, so it was either the weekend or a summer day. We talked to her dad for a long time and then left the store. We weren’t really decided on what to do next and an idea somehow came.

We walked up a large hill and on top of the hill hidden in the strips of trees, there was a train track. We walked down the middle of the train track talking and laughing. Then, around the bend up ahead a train was coming. She and I both jumped off the tracks but we were on different sides of the track now. My best friend looked terrified so I ran across to her side in front of the train as she was screaming.

My parents don’t know this story – well I guess they do now :).

Back in our small group, I was wondering, why did I tell this story? Why did they ask me to share a story?

Now we were asked to give each other 3 adjectives that we saw in the person who told the story. So, each of us would end up with 6 new words and that was to be written on the other side of the red paper heart. My group gave me these words:

  • Brave
  • Fearless
  • Free
  • Simple
  • Innocent
  • Sweet

Wow. Another good group of words. But I heard people tell me these things and I didn’t think that these were words that described me. My group mates weren’t wrong, they were just describing the organic me. The me that wasn’t protected by a barricade of walls for 20 years. The me that I didn’t know anymore. That’s why it felt wrong.

We were all then asked to think about these words as we went back to our lives and how these words, descriptions of us, either fit, or could fit into our life. I hadn’t thought about those words at all since ICapture had returned home – until tonight. We were also told that the words we wrote down about the baby, are really things we see in ourselves.

You see, whether good or bad, people see in others what is inside themselves. So my list of words describing the organic me that I am so eager to learn to be – it is something I need to look at daily to remind myself, its already inside. I just have to let myself be me.

What words are written on your red paper heart? These are the words that live in your true heart – own them, love them, honor them, LIVE them.

Homesteading Happiness

Learning. Growing. Doing.

JUMP FOR JOY Photo Project

sharing the joy of the human spirit in mid air around the world


Stories and memories at 30-something. Because some of this is really worth remembering.

Alyce in Wonderland

A Glimpse Through The Looking Glass Of My Life