They Are Changing Me……Not The Other Way Around

I have had a wake up call…..again! Apparently I am in need of every one of them that I am getting, so I’m ok with this. I started on this quest to complete 30 acts of kindness in 30 days. I assumed that I would find a greater connection with myself along the way and brightening someone else’s day could always brighten mine. You know, it is said, if you want to smile, make someone else smile.

A friend of mine posted a comment on Facebook when I posted my day 2 act. She said, that I truly did two acts of kindness if I thought about it. Huh? I asked my husband to come comfort me when my day wasnt going so good. So, why would that qualify as a kind act?

My husband an I were so close to divorce, I mean almost to the point of no return. The divorce is still filed in the courts, a judge is assigned and its awaiting a court date. A month ago, I would have told you I couldn’t wait until the divorce was final so I could be free. To go from pending divorce to asking him to comfort me – that’s a big change.

I actually asked my husband to comfort me which let him in to a very open part of me. Somewhere I had written him out of. Amazing. At least to me it is.

So, day 3….what did I do? I went on a field trip with my daughter. This same friend pointed out that this could very well be a kind act. I have never been the parent that joins the PTA, works every event, helps whenever I can. I have never been on a single field trip. It’s not that my children haven’t asked me, they absolutely have. It has always been my choice to not take part in their activities in that way.

Even this field trip, I wasn’t sure that I was even going to go. In my mind I was battling my addiction to work, feeling that I needed to be present at work and how was I going to ask my boss for time off? My boss had never had a problem with me taking time off but I was assuming that it would be a problem, because I had the issue. So, for me to take the day off and be able to enjoy time with my daughter – it was a BIG deal.

You know what? I did it, I threw my hands up and said, if I am going to change my life I have to start somewhere and a lot of it is going to be hard. This was hard. I am happy to say that I had the best day with my daughter, worry free. And you know what? I wasn’t fired when I got back to work, the world hadn’t ended, nothing was on fire, everything was absolutely ok. Shocker! The world doesn’t revolve around me?! Nope. And, I’m glad!!

The next day came around and people had asked me what I had done for day 3 and my response was “nothing”. Why? Because I didn’t feel like I had done anything at that point. I was still praying, asking God to show me what to do. That afternoon a girl showed up on my doorstep asking if we wanted to buy candy bars to support her going to church camp.

I let my children each get a candy bar, and I even gave her extra money. Thanks God. I needed that. If I wasn’t out looking thank you for bringing the opportunity to my doorstep. The next day, yesterday, is when I had the talk with my friend. I realized that everyone was changing me. It didn’t matter if I simply had a heart to heart with my son or daughter, or I started talking to an old friend again, or if I gave supplies to the disaster relief.

Every one of those acts has an impact on me. I need to spend more time reflecting on the impacts happening to me than what acts I am going to do to impact someone else. At first I thought this seemed very selfish but then I realized that I am on a quest to find myself, to listen to my heart and learn more and more about myself. So, I may not post every day about the act that I did but rather about the impact it is having in my life.

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